Start with what your parent wanted
Before anyone picks anything, find out whether your parent left instructions. Look for a will, a trust, and any separate list of who should receive specific items. In Florida, a will can refer to a separate written list that disposes of tangible personal property, such as furniture, jewelry, and household items. To count, the list must be signed by the parent and describe the items and recipients with reasonable certainty (Fla. Stat. § 732.515, linked in the sources below). If there is an estate attorney, ask them how any list your parent left should be handled.
If your parent is still living, for example moving into assisted living, the best source of guidance is your parent. Many parents find real comfort in choosing who receives a special piece and in telling the story behind it.
If there's no list, honor what you know. Verbal wishes aren't always legally binding, but sharing what each person remembers Mom or Dad saying can set a respectful tone for everything that follows.
Agree on the process before anyone chooses
Most conflicts start when people begin claiming items before agreeing on how claiming works. Hold a short family meeting, in person or by video call, and decide:
- Who is in charge. If there's an estate, the executor or personal representative usually needs to approve the final distribution.
- The method. Choose one of the approaches below and stick with it.
- The timeline. Set a date for choices to be finished, especially if the home must be cleared by a closing or move-out date.
- The ground rules. For example: nobody removes anything until the process is complete, and side deals are shared with everyone.
Five fair ways to divide belongings
- Take turns (round robin). Draw names for the order, then take turns choosing one item at a time. Reverse the order each round so the last person to pick goes first next time.
- Colored stickers. Give each person a color. Everyone tags what they'd like. Items with one sticker go to that person, and only the items with two or more stickers need further discussion.
- Value tiers. Separate high-value items, sentimental items, and everyday items, then take turns within each group so one valuable piece doesn't overshadow everything else.
- Appraise and balance. For jewelry, art, antiques, or collectibles that may be valuable, consider a professional appraisal. A sibling who takes a valuable piece can balance it against other items or other parts of the estate.
- A family auction. Give everyone the same number of points or play money to bid on items. It turns contested pieces into a clear, shared decision.
Many families combine methods, for example stickers first and then turns for the contested pieces.
Make it work when siblings live far apart
It's common for brothers and sisters to live in different states, and for no one to live near the parent's home. Distance doesn't have to slow things down:
- Photograph everything worth discussing. Put the photos in a shared album or document, numbered by room.
- Run choices remotely. Video calls and shared spreadsheets work well for turn-based picks.
- Record the decisions in one master list: item, recipient, and delivery address. This list later becomes the shipping plan.
- Decide how shipping costs will be handled. Talk about it early so no one is surprised. If an estate is involved, Florida law says that, unless the will provides otherwise, the personal representative pays the reasonable expenses of packing and delivering tangible personal property to a beneficiary as an expense of administration (Fla. Stat. § 733.801(2)). Your estate attorney can explain how this applies to your family.
Don't forget the things that can be shared
Photographs, home movies, letters, and recipes don't have to belong to only one person. Scanning photos and documents before they're divided lets every sibling keep a copy, and it often defuses the most emotional disagreements. The original can go to one person while everyone keeps the memory.
Write the stories down
The story behind an heirloom often matters more than the object. As items are chosen, jot down who it belonged to, where it came from, and any memory attached to it. Tuck the note in a drawer or tape it under the piece. Years from now, your children will be glad you did.
When you can't agree
If a disagreement won't resolve, step back. Set the item aside, revisit it at the end, or ask a neutral person, such as the estate attorney, a mediator, or a trusted family friend, to help. Sometimes the fairest answer is to sell a contested item and divide the proceeds. Remember the goal: everyone keeps something meaningful, and the family stays a family.
Getting each person's share to their home
Once the list is final, the practical work begins. Each sibling's items need to be gathered, packed for the trip, and sent to their address, which may be across town, across the country, or overseas. That's where we help. Senior Assist Shipping picks up, sorts items by recipient, packs them carefully, and ships each person's share to their own home, nationwide or worldwide. See shipping estate items to multiple heirs and our guide for out-of-state families.
Sources
- Florida Statutes § 732.515: Separate writing identifying devises of tangible property
- Florida Statutes § 733.801: Delivery of devises and distributive shares
- This guide is general information, not legal advice. Talk with an estate attorney about your family's situation.